The Peer Permission Practice for Getting Support

Many young people hesitate to ask for help due to fears of judgment or being a burden. Research indicates that structured approaches to seeking support are often more effective than informal methods. Transitioning from feelings of isolation and disconnection to a sense of belonging can evoke vulnerability, but it is a vital step toward connection and support.

Using the skills from the Shine Hope Company’s Shine Hope® Framework can help.

• Nourishing Networks: building safe connections where vulnerability and truth are welcomed.
• Happiness Habits: practicing gratitude, kindness, and curiosity in relationships to foster emotional safety.

What Works → The Peer Permission Approach
The peer permission approach creates a bridge: When you’re facing a challenge, try this framework with a trusted friend or adult: “I’m dealing with [specific situation]. Before I ask for anything, can I share what I’m thinking and feeling about it?”

This gives you space to be heard before requesting specific support. After sharing, then ask: “What I need most right now is (listening/advice/help problem-solving/just someone to sit with me). Would you be willing to do that?”

Example: Instead of “I’m really stressed,” try “I’m feeling overwhelmed about college applications. Can I talk through my worries with you? What I need most is someone to help me break this down into smaller steps.”

Research indicates that clear, specific requests for support are more likely to be met with helpful responses than vague requests for help.^[1]

^[1] Rickwood, D., Deane, F. P., Wilson, C. J., & Ciarrochi, J. (2005). Young people’s help-seeking for mental health problems. Australian e-Journal for the Advancement of Mental Health, 4(3), 218-251.